What Are Coping Skills?

Written by Stella W.

You have a huge test tomorrow and your thoughts are racing, stomach in knots, feeling like you are going to fail no matter what. Or maybe you just had a massive fight with your friend and you’re so upset you can’t think straight. What do you do? Some people scroll social media for hours to numb out. Others completely avoid the problem. Some lash out at people around them. These are coping mechanisms but they’re not healthy ones.

Coping skills are the strategies and tools you use to manage stress, difficult emotions, and challenging situations. Everyone uses them, whether they realize it or not. The question isn't whether you cope.  It's whether you’re coping in ways that help you.

What is Going On Here?

Let's break down the vocab real quick:

💜 Coping Skills.  Actions or habits that help you manage big emotions, stress, or challenges.
They don’t erase problems.  They help you handle them and feel grounded, without shutting down or spiraling.

💜 Coping Skills vs. Coping Mechanisms:  Technically, these terms are often used interchangeably, but there's a useful distinction. Coping mechanisms are the automatic ways you respond to stress - some healthy, some not. The goal is to replace unhealthy mechanisms with healthy skills.

💜 Healthy vs. Unhealthy Coping.  Everyone copes somehow. The real question is how.

✔️Healthy coping: Helps you calm down, think clearly, and solve problems (e.g., journaling, exercise, talking things out).

✔️ Unhealthy coping: Gives temporary relief but usually makes things worse long-term (e.g., avoidance, overworking, emotional numbing, lashing out).

💜 Avoidant vs. Active Coping:

✔️ Avoidant coping means ignoring, denying, or running from your problems or feelings which includes procrastinating, substance use, emotional numbing.

✔️Active coping means facing the situation or emotion and taking steps to address it such as problem-solving, seeking support, processing feelings.

💜 Emotion-Focused vs. Problem-Focused Coping:

✔️ Emotion-focused coping helps you manage how you feel about a situation you can't change like using mindfulness when dealing with a chronic illness.

✔️Problem-focused coping helps you change the situation itself like making a study plan when you're stressed about grades. You need both, depending on the situation.

💜 Regulation Tools.  Techniques like breathing exercises, grounding methods, mindfulness, or movement that help bring your mind and body back into balance.

💜 Support Systems.  People who help you feel seen, safe, and understood such as friends, family, counselors, teachers, coaches.

💜 Mental Health Tools for Everyone: You don't need to have a diagnosed mental health condition to benefit from coping skills. Everyone experiences stress, difficult emotions, and challenging situations. Mental health tools help you navigate life more effectively, build resilience, and protect your wellbeing.

What Do Unhealthy Coping Strategies Look Like?

It's important to recognize when your coping strategies aren't helping:

✔️ avoidance such as procrastinating, ignoring problems, pretending everything's fine when it's not

✔️ substance use such as using alcohol, drugs, vaping, or other substances to numb emotions or escape

✔️ excessive screen time - scrolling social media, binge-watching, or gaming for hours to avoid dealing with feelings

✔️ emotional eating or restricting - using food to cope with emotions in ways that become unhealthy patterns

✔️ self-harm - cutting, burning, or other ways of physically hurting yourself to manage emotional pain (please reach out for help because there are techniques to help with this)

✔️ lashing out at others - taking your stress or anger out on people who don't deserve it

✔️ overworking or over-scheduling - staying so busy you don't have to feel anything

✔️ rumination - obsessively replaying situations or worrying without taking action

✔️ isolation - completely withdrawing from everyone and everything

✔️ risky behaviors - doing dangerous things for the adrenaline rush or as a distraction

These strategies might provide temporary relief, but they may create more problems such as damaged relationships, worse mental health, physical consequences, or making the original problem even bigger.

What Do Healthy Coping Skills Look Like?

Healthy coping is learned, not automatic. You build it through:

✔️ therapy or counseling
✔️ self-awareness
✔️ mindfulness or reflection
✔️ supportive relationships
✔️ practicing small habits consistently
✔️ trial and error—seeing what works for you

Coping skills aren’t one-size-fits-all. What calms one person may not work for another—and that’s okay.  Healthy coping skills help you manage stress and emotions in ways that support your wellbeing:

💜 Physical coping skills:

✔️ Exercise or movement - walking, running, dancing, yoga, sports—anything that gets your body moving and releases tension
✔️ Deep breathing exercises - slowing your breath to calm your nervous system
✔️ Progressive muscle relaxation - tensing and releasing muscle groups to release physical stress
✔️ Getting enough sleep - rest is essential for emotional regulation
✔️ Eating regularly and staying hydrated - basic self-care affects your mood more than you think

💜 Emotional coping skills:

✔️ Journaling - writing out your thoughts and feelings to process them
✔️ Creative expression - art, music, writing, or any creative outlet that helps you express emotions
✔️ Mindfulness or meditation - staying present instead of spiraling about the past or future
✔️ Allowing yourself to feel - sitting with emotions instead of running from them, knowing they'll pass
✔️ Self-compassion - treating yourself with the same kindness you'd show a friend

💜 Social coping skills:
✔️ Talking to someone you trust - a friend, parent, counselor, therapist, or mentor
✔️ Asking for help - recognizing when you can't handle something alone
✔️ Spending time with supportive people - connection is one of the most powerful coping tools
✔️ Setting boundaries - protecting your energy and saying no when you need to

💜 Cognitive coping skills:

✔️ Challenging negative thoughts - questioning whether your anxious or depressive thoughts are true
✔️ Problem-solving - breaking big problems into smaller, manageable steps

✔️ Reframing - looking at situations from different perspectives

✔️ Accepting what you can't control - letting go of things outside your power

💜 Distraction (healthy kinds):

✔️ Engaging hobbies - doing things you genuinely enjoy, not just numbing out

✔️ Being in nature - spending time outside, even just for a few minutes

✔️ Listening to music - using sound to shift your mood

✔️ Humor - watching or reading something funny to lighten your mood

The key is having multiple tools in your toolkit because different situations require different strategies.

Why Coping Skills Matter

When you have healthy coping skills, you:

💜 Handle stress better. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and shutting down, you have ways to manage difficult emotions and keep moving forward.

💜 Build resilience. The more you practice coping skills, the stronger you become at handling whatever life throws at you. Resilience isn't about never struggling—it's about bouncing back.

💜 Improve relationships. When you cope in healthy ways, you're less likely to lash out at others, withdraw completely, or make decisions you'll regret. Your relationships stay stronger.

💜 Protect your mental health. Healthy coping prevents stress from turning into anxiety or depression. It's like maintenance for your mind—small actions that prevent bigger problems.

💜 Feel more in control. When you know you have tools to manage difficult situations, you feel less helpless and more capable.

When Coping Skills Aren't Enough

Here's something important: coping skills are powerful, but they're not a cure-all. If you're dealing with ongoing anxiety, depression, trauma, or other mental health challenges, coping skills alone might not be enough. That's when professional help becomes necessary.

Don't feel like you've failed if coping skills aren't solving everything. Sometimes you need more support, and that's completely okay.

Myth Buster

✖️ Myth: Only people with mental illness or serious problems need coping skills.
✔️ Fact: Everyone experiences stress, difficult emotions, and challenging situations. Coping skills aren't just for crisis moments. They're life skills that benefit everyone, every day. Using them doesn't mean something's wrong with you; it means you're taking care of yourself.

✖️ Myth: Coping skills should make you feel better immediately.
✔️ Fact: Some coping skills (like deep breathing) can provide quick relief, but many work over time. Journaling, therapy, or exercise might not fix everything instantly, but consistent practice builds long-term resilience and emotional health.

✖️ Myth: You should use the same coping skill for every situation.
✔️ Fact: Different situations call for different tools. Sometimes you need to talk it out; other times you need to move your body or distract yourself temporarily. Building a diverse toolkit gives you options.

✖️ Myth: Using coping skills means avoiding your problems.
✔️ Fact: Healthy coping skills help you deal with problems more effectively, not avoid them. They give you the emotional regulation and mental clarity to face challenges instead of being overwhelmed by them.

How to Build Your Coping Toolkit

✔️ Try different strategies. Breathing exercises, grounding, journaling, stretching, music. Experiment until you find your go-tos.
✔️ Practice daily and when you are calm. Coping skills work best when used regularly, not just in crises.
✔️ Build supportive relationships. Talking to someone safe can be a coping skill.
✔️ Create routines that stabilize you. Sleep, meals, movement, downtime.
✔️ Challenge avoidance. Facing problems with support builds confidence.
✔️Make it accessible. Keep a journal by your bed, download a meditation app, have a playlist ready, or know who you can text when you need support. Remove barriers to using your coping skills.
✔️ Notice your patterns. What situations trigger stress for you? What unhealthy coping mechanisms do you default to? Once you know your patterns, you can intentionally replace them with healthier options.

The Bottom Line

Coping skills are essential tools for navigating life. You don't need to have a diagnosed mental health condition to benefit from coping skills. Everyone needs ways to manage stress, process emotions, and handle difficult situations. The difference between struggling and thriving often comes down to whether you have healthy strategies in your toolkit. Practicing them now builds resilience, emotional strength, and confidence for the future.