What is Empathy?

Written by Stella W.

Picture this: Your friend just bombed a test they studied hard for. They're sitting across from you, looking down, voice shaky. Without them even saying much, you can kind of feel how crushed they are. That moment where you decide to wonder and care is empathy.

Here’s the main idea: Empathy is the ability to understand and feel what someone else is going through. It’s not about fixing their problems or taking them on as your own. It’s about understanding what someone is going through.

And the best part? Empathy is one of the most powerful skills you can build, and it makes friendships stronger and mental health better for everyone involved, including yourself.

What is Actually Going On Here?

Let's break down the vocab real quick:

💜 Empathy: The ability to understand and share someone else’s feelings. When you show empathy to others, you're building trust and connection. When others show empathy to you, it helps you feel heard, validated, and less alone.

💜 Empathy vs. Sympathy: An example is feeling bad for someone and feeling bad with someone as if you are sitting in their shoes and really understanding what they’re experiencing, even if you haven’t been through the exact same thing.

Sympathy is feeling for someone “I feel bad for you” or “That sucks.”
Empathy is feeling with someone “I’m here with you in this”. Empathy creates connection, while sympathy can sometimes feel distant.

💜 Empathy vs. People-Pleasing: Empathy isn’t forgetting your own needs to make others happy. It’s about understanding feelings and not sacrificing your boundaries or ignoring yourself.

💜 Empathy vs. Toxic Emotional Behaviors: Real empathy means caring about how someone feels without expecting anything in return. Toxic behaviors like manipulation, guilt-tripping, or dismissiveness use feelings as a way to control or get what that person wants. 

How to Practice Empathy

Empathy shows up in ways that actually strengthen your friendships and support your mental health:

✔️ Listen without trying to “fix” everything or make it about you
✔️ Notice when someone seems off, even if they say they're fine
✔️ Validate feelings instead of dismissing them (“You're overreacting” ≠ empathy)
✔️ Be present by putting your phone down, and making eye contact
✔️ Ask “How can I support you?” instead of assuming you know what they need
✔️ Avoid judging or comparing. Everyone’s emotional experience is unique.
✔️ Respect boundaries. Empathy shouldn’t drain you or make you responsible for someone else’s emotions.

How Empathy Connects to Mental Health

Empathy strengthens mental health in two major ways:

1. It helps you feel supported.
   Knowing someone genuinely understands you (or is trying to) reduces stress, anxiety, and loneliness.

2. It helps you support others in healthy ways.
   Empathy teaches you how to show up without absorbing someone else’s emotions or problems as your own.  This not only protects your energy (ever feel drained after spending time with someone?) but it protects your mental health too.

Myth Buster

✖️ Myth: Empathy means you must always put others first.
✔️ Fact: Real empathy includes boundaries. You can care deeply about someone while still taking care of yourself.

The Bottom Line

Empathy is more than “being nice.”  It’s a powerful tool for connection, trust, and emotional strength. It helps build lasting friendships.