What is Narcissism?

Written by Stella W.

Picture this: You’re venting to a friend about something that’s really bothering you, and within two minutes, they’ve turned the entire conversation back to themselves. You’ve probably heard people throw around the word “narcissist” to describe anyone who seems self-centered or acts like the main character.   Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some people show narcissistic traits and while others have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Understanding the difference helps you spot unhealthy relationships without mislabeling.

What is Going On Here?

Let's break down the vocab real quick:

💜 Narcissistic Traits:
These are behaviors that include self-centeredness, strong need for admiration, difficulty understanding others’ feelings, talking about yourself, bragging, or ignoring others’ feelings.

💜 Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): A long-term pattern of:

✔️ needing constant admiration

✔️ lacking empathy

✔️ having a fragile self-image under the surface

✔️ reacting strongly to criticism

✔️ manipulating or controlling others

NPD isn’t diagnosed by friends, the internet, or TikTok.  It requires a trained mental health professional. It is not the same as being confident or self-assured.

💜 Healthy Confidence vs. Narcissism:

✔️ Healthy confidence: Believing in yourself without needing to put others down.

✔️ Narcissism: Inflated sense of self-importance.  Needing to feel superior, needing praise, and ignoring others’ feelings

💜 Self-Esteem Issues in Disguise: Narcissistic behavior often masks deep insecurity. On the surface, someone might seem super confident or even arrogant, but underneath, they might actually have fragile self-esteem. That's why they need so much validation and react so strongly to criticism.

💜 Narcissism vs. Being a Bad Friend: Not every selfish friend is a narcissist. Sometimes people are thoughtless, going through their own stuff, or just haven’t learned good friendship skills yet. True narcissistic patterns are consistent, harmful, and show little genuine concern for others over time.

Why Does This Matter?

Narcissistic traits or behaviors can look like:

✔️ constantly turning conversations back to themselves and showing little interest in what you’re going through
✔️ needing excessive praise and admiration - fishing for compliments, posting for validation
✔️ believing they’re special or superior and deserve special treatment
✔️ lack of empathy - difficulty understanding or caring about others’ feelings
✔️ exploiting friendships - using people to get what they want without real reciprocity
✔️ reacting badly to criticism - getting defensive, angry, or shutting down when called out
✔️ putting others down to make themselves feel better or seem superior
✔️ exaggerating achievements or lying to make themselves look better
✔️ acting entitled - expecting people to do things for them or cater to their needs
✔️ believing others are jealous of them

Important note: Showing some of these behaviors sometimes doesn’t mean someone has NPD. What matters is the pattern. 

Why Understanding This Matters

Knowing what narcissism actually is helps you:

Protect yourself in relationships. If someone consistently shows narcissistic patterns (no empathy, constant need for attention, never taking responsibility) you can recognize that it is not a healthy friendship.

Understand that NPD is complex. People with actual NPD often struggle deeply and may have experienced trauma or neglect that shaped these patterns. That doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, but it's a reminder that mental health conditions are complicated.

Myth Buster

✖️ Myth: Narcissists are just people who lack confidence and need to overcompensate.
✔️ Fact: Narcissism involves specific patterns of behavior (grandiosity, lack of empathy, exploitation and manipulating others) that go way beyond simple insecurity. While some insecurity might be underneath, the behavior itself causes real harm and isn’t just about low self-esteem.

✖️ Myth: Anyone who posts a lot of selfies or talks about themselves is a narcissist.
✔️ Fact: Enjoying attention or having confidence in your appearance doesn’t immediately equal narcissism.

How to Protect Yourself

Set boundaries. If someone constantly dismisses your feelings or makes everything about them, it’s okay to limit how much energy you give that friendship.

Don't expect them to change because you asked nicely. People with strong narcissistic traits or NPD rarely change without professional help. If someone shows no interest in how their behavior affects you, believe them. Don't stick around hoping they’ll suddenly develop empathy.

Stop trying to get validation from them. If someone can’t give you empathy or support, stop seeking it from them.

Talk to someone you trust. If you’re in a friendship or relationship that feels manipulative, conditional, draining, or emotionally abusive, talk to a parent, counselor, or trusted adult. Sometimes you need outside perspective to realize how unhealthy things have gotten.

If you recognize these traits in yourself: First, good for you for being self-aware.  That is actually not a narcissistic trait. Real narcissism involves lack of insight. If you’re worried you might be the one that is too self-centered or struggle with empathy, talking to a therapist can help you build healthier patterns. Self-awareness is the first step toward growth.

The Bottom Line

Narcissism isn’t just a buzzword.  It’s a mix of traits and, in some cases, a clinical disorder. Knowing the difference helps you protect your mental health and understand when a relationship feels off.