What is Self Esteem?

Written by Stella W.

Whether it’s because of social media or IRL, you start thinking, “Why can’t I be like that?” or “I’m just not good enough.” That voice in your head gets louder and louder until you're convinced you shouldn’t even bother trying. Maybe you skip the team tryout, not raise your hand in class, or turn down plans because you’re sure you won’t fit in. That’s low self-esteem convincing you to shrink instead of shine. Self-esteem isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It can grow and change. Building healthy self-esteem takes time and practice, but it’s one of the most important things you can do for yourself.

What is Going On Here?

Let's break down the vocab real quick:

💜 Self-esteem is the way you view your worth and abilities. It includes your confidence, your sense of identity, and how you talk to yourself in tough moments.

💜 Self-Esteem vs. Confidence: Self-esteem is about how you feel about yourself overall. Confidence is more about believing in your abilities to do something well or improve with practice. You might feel confident about your art skills but still struggle with low self-esteem if you don’t value yourself as a whole person.

💜 Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem: Self-worth is the deep belief that you matter and deserve respect just because you exist and not because of what you achieve or how you look. Self-esteem is built on top of that foundation and can go up and down based on experiences, thoughts, and how you treat yourself.

💜 Healthy vs. Low Self-Esteem: Healthy self-esteem means accepting yourself, flaws and all. You recognize your strengths, learn from mistakes, and don't base your entire value on other people’s opinions. Low self-esteem feels like a constant inner critic telling you you're not smart enough, attractive enough, or worthy enough, no matter what you actually accomplish.

💜 Self-Esteem vs. Arrogance: Healthy self-esteem isn’t about being perfect, or thinking that you are better than everyone else. It’s about knowing your value without needing to put others down.

💜 How Self-Esteem Gets Shaken: Things like peer pressure, comparison culture, or social media can make you question your worth. When you’re constantly surrounded by “perfect” highlights of other people’s lives, it’s easy to think you don’t measure up. Low self-esteem is linked to anxiety and depression. 

Why Does This Happen?

Self-esteem can be affected by a lot of things, and some common signs of low self-esteem include:

✔️ constant negative self-talk
✔️ comparing yourself to others all the time
✔️ needing everyone's approval to feel okay about yourself
✔️ fear of failure so strong that you avoid trying new things
✔️ perfectionism - feeling like anything less than perfect means you’re worthless
✔️ difficulty accepting compliments or believing good things people say about you
✔️ staying in unhealthy friendships or relationships because you don’t think you deserve better
✔️ feeling like a burden or that people only tolerate you

Low self-esteem can come from criticism or bullying, tough family situations, trauma, unrealistic standards from social media, constant comparison to others, past failures or rejections, or just the pressure to be “perfect” all the time.   

Myth Buster

✖️ Myth: Confidence and self-esteem are things you're born with.
✔️ Fact: Self-esteem is built over time through practice, self-reflection, and changing how you talk to yourself. Everyone can develop healthier self-esteem.

How to Build Self-Esteem

Building self-esteem requires you to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would show a friend.

✔️ Practice self-compassion. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend.
✔️ Challenge negative thoughts.  Ask: “Is this fact… or just fear?”
✔️ Set small, achievable goals. Every success builds confidence.
✔️ Limit comparison.  Unfollow accounts that make you feel worse, not better.
✔️ Surround yourself with supportive people.  Friends who celebrate you and do not compete with you can help boost your self-worth.
✔️ Try new things. Confidence grows from experience, not perfection.
✔️ Accept mistakes.  Mistakes are part of learning. Reframe any negative self-talk with “I made a mistake, but I can learn from it.” or “I'm doing my best, and that is enough.”
✔️ Protect your energy. Boundaries are a form of self-respect.

There are times you will not feel confident but do it anyway. Action builds confidence faster than waiting to “feel ready.”

The Bottom Line

Self-esteem isn’t about perfection or pretending you’re confident all the time. It’s about knowing your worth and being kind to yourself.