What is Social Media Anxiety?

The Real Tea on Social Media, Self Esteem, and Why Your Feed Isn’t Reality

Written by Stella W.

Picture this: You're scrolling through Instagram/TikTok at 11pm (we've all been there – ok, fine, I admit it, 1am…..), and everyone seems to be living their best lives.  Even their dogs.  There's XYZ at some party you didn't know about but she also wakes up at 5am to go to Pilates, drink matcha, and other healthy, green things. ABC is posting about his perfect grades, sports everything, and your crush’s crush is looking flawless in every. single. photo.

 Meanwhile, you're in bed with some furry pajama set that your mom said was smelly, wondering why your life feels like a blooper reel while everyone else is starring in their own movie.

Plot twist: You're not alone, and their lives aren't actually that perfect. Welcome to the wild world of social media anxiety, where the pressure is real but the posts? Not so much.

What is Actually Going On Here?

Let's break down the vocab real quick:

• Social Comparison: That thing where you measure yourself against other people's achievements, looks, popularity, or literally anything else (yes, even their aesthetic lunch photos and their dog….yes, their dog.)

• Self-Esteem: How you feel about your own worth?  Vasically, do you think you're pretty cool or nah?

• FOMO (Fear of Missing Out): That panicky feeling that everyone's doing something awesome without you.  Maybe they all got matching pajama sets but you didn’t get the memo.

• DQ (Digital Intelligence): Like IQ, but for navigating the online world without losing your mind. 

Here's the thing: a little comparison is normal. Humans have been doing it since forever. Marie Antoinette did it.  But when you're comparing your real life (messy room, bad hair days, actual problems) to everyone else's highlight reel (filtered photos, carefully chosen moments, fake smiles), that's when things get messy.

Why Does Social Media Make Us Feel Like This?

Think about it: when was the last time you posted a pic of yourself crying over homework or having a terrible hair day? Exactly. Nobody posts their L's - just their W's.

Social media is basically a greatest hits album. Everyone's showing:

• The party they went to (not the 10 other nights they stayed home binge-watching shows or scrolling mindlessly)

• Their good test grade (not the three they bombed)

• Their relationship goals moment (not the argument they had an hour later)

Myth Buster Alert

✖️Myth: “Everyone else has it all figured out.”

✔️ Fact: Social media is curated and no one’s life is perfect.

School already comes with enough pressure. Grades, college apps, figuring out who you are, dealing with drama... Now add the pressure to look perfect online 24/7?  No wonder everyone's stressed.

How to Tell If Social Media is Messing With Your Head

You might be dealing with social media anxiety if you:

✔️  Check your notifications every five minutes (or, let's be honest, every five seconds)

✔️ Feel genuinely upset when a post doesn't get enough likes

✔️ Stress about taking the perfect photo instead of enjoying the actual moment

✔️  Feel left out when you see others hanging out without you

✔️  Constantly feel like you're inadequate or jealous

✔️  Constantly feel like you’re just “not enough” aka not pretty enough, not cool enough, not smart enough, not rich enough (sometimes you even blame your family for it)

✔️  Beat yourself up over every little thing with that thing called self-criticism

✔️  Start avoiding real-life social situations because they make you anxious

✔️  Base your entire mood on your online engagement

If you're nodding along to most of these... keep reading.

Why This Actually Matters

This isn't just about feeling bummed for a few minutes. Social media anxiety can:

• Tank your mental health (hello, anxiety and depression)

• Wreck your friendships (ever ditch real friends to scroll alone?)

• Kill your grades (hard to focus on studying when you're spiraling about your follower count)

• Make you forget what you're actually good at

The ironic part? These apps designed to “connect” us can make us feel more isolated than ever. That’s why there’s the ever rising “loneliness crisis.”

How to Actually Deal

1. Take Control of Your Screen Time

You don't have to delete all your apps (unless you want to, then go for it). But maybe try:

• Setting app limits on your phone

• Turning off notifications (revolutionary, we know)

• Having phone-free times, like during meals or before bed

• Doing a social media detox for a weekend to see how you feel

2. Curate Your Feed

Unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. Fill your feed with:

• People who keep it real

• Content that makes you laugh or learn something

• Accounts that celebrate normal, imperfect life

• Dogs (and other cute animals)

3. Reality Check Your Thoughts

When you catch yourself comparing, pause and remember:

• The actual fact: Nobody has it figured out. We're all just pretending and hoping for the best and

• Treat yourself like a friend!

4. Focus on IRL You. 

• Invest time in hobbies that have nothing to do with likes or followers

• Celebrate your own wins (big or small)

• Do things just because they make YOU happy, not because they'll look good online

• Hang out with friends who don't make everything a competition

5. Be Your Own Hype Person

Practice self-compassion: talk to yourself like you'd talk to your best friend. You wouldn't tell your friend they're trash because they got a B instead of an A, right? So don't say it to yourself.

6. Build Your Squad

Surround yourself with people who:

• Support your wins instead of getting jealous

• Keep it real with you

• Like you for who you are, not your follower count

The Bottom Line

Your self-worth doesn't come from:

💜 How many likes you get

💜 How many followers you have

💜 Whether you got invited to that party

💜 Looking perfect in every photo

Your self-worth comes from:

🪄  Being authentically YOU

🪄 Being kind to yourself and others

🪄 Your real relationships and experiences

🪄 What you bring to the world offline – this is important so I’m just going to list it again.

🪄 What you bring to the world offline

Remember

Social media is a highlight reel, not a documentary. Everyone's struggling with something, even if their feed looks flawless. The most interesting, genuine, cool version of you exists in real life.